I just finished a massive midterm for our TCM Theory class. Outside of a little fun Friday night, I studied all weekend. I had dreams all night about it. My professor repeated over and over "use your time wisely" and then handed us the test which was in Chinese. I woke up sweating. Yang Qi deficiency or Yin?
It has been a while since I have submitted an entry. I was struggling a bit this quarter so it has taken awhile to get back on here. Its just tougher all around in the winter. More information piling up. The memorization and regurgitation is just becoming slightly more intense and mundane. I lost a little bit of the spark... for now at least. In Chinese Medicine, it is said that there is wind-phlegm that accumulates and can obstruct the channel (pleasant I know). I find it easier to relate that I felt like a record that was skipping and having trouble getting into the next groove. Liver Qi stagnation, damp-heat, yin deficiency drying up my body fluids and failing to nourish... all of it. I am taking more classes than I should and every day I am both palpating and being palpated upon. Dressing and undressing in front of each others. Super amounts of studying. Much energy exchange. Vastus Medialis and so forth.
January found me missing certain aspects of my life and finding myself struggling to keep the big picture in perspective. It also made me realize that I could do both (school and work) if the right circumstances came along that worked with my schedule. I think I need it for my sanity. I suppose trying to live the double life can be hard, but its harder trying to pretend that the music business is not important to me and will always be a part of me. I decided to send out the typical 'available and looking for work' email. We shall see. I do miss it. There are exciting aspects of it. I'm a bit boring these days (hence studying all weekend as opposed to flying to Mexico City), but realize I am accomplishing something so beneficial and there will always be opportunities, and I have been that lucky person where I think things just fall into place for me and know they will continue to. I just can't stay still. I wish I could be a normal student, or normal in general, but who the hell wants that? Boring.
I have also had to control my frustration with the lovely town of Portland lately. Don't get me wrong I do love it and the show Portlandia is cute (please don't move here!). I would prefer some snow over the constant rain and the fact that everyone here drives 20 mph is going to be the death of me. I have lived in some pretty bad cities in regards to drivers and had a taste of other cities in my travels, but Portland... you cannot drive. I miss New York and perhaps just miss the excitement. Nothing is really shocking here. Everyone is in 5 bands that have 8 members in them. People put birds on things and there are beards a plenty with microbrewery sewing classes and trivia nights. Hipster babies and big bikes. Well, you can watch Portlandia for more descriptions.
I think they call this process transformation and surviving/making it through medical school. I love my classmates and the new friends I have made in school and in Portland. I could not be making it without them. I am still very passionate about what is happening, just wish I could get out of this groove. Maybe its just winter. Maybe I should just hop a flight to somewhere, go backstage and pick at a deli platter and yell at a promoter. Perhaps that would help.
'And if you feel that you can’t go on
And your will’s sinkin’ low
Just believe and you can’t go wrong
In the light you will find the road
You will find the road'
In The Light - Led Zeppelin